New Year’s Eve. Cheer and merry everywhere. Popular music. Fancy lights. Parties till the wee hours of the morning. Strangers wishing you a happy new year. A feeling of unity. A sense of wild passion.
If only we could have at least half of the goodwill and the positive energy every single day of the year, what a life it would be.
For long, I’d been having a sort of an identity crisis – with my name being the culprit here. Maybe everyone who’d been named something essentially a combination of two different names would know. Being too long, typically people either call you by one, or the other. And sometimes, you are given the liberty of getting to choose what you’d like to be gone by. Like most others, I wanted to be known by the cooler-sounding name – and try to live up to it. But it was only later on that I realized you can’t really change what feels like you and describes you to the most honest degree. Now I am no longer confused. No more crisis. No more double lives.
I have never been a great fan of groups. I do not gel well in them. I am constantly flabbergasted. I find it hard to sustain the interest of people for a long time – let alone numerous. For this reason, I do not always throng in masses. Call me an outcast, but I find life is easier to maintain this way. Not to be mistaken for an introvert, I find it equally hard to be shut off. Maybe it’s just the way I’m made. I am at my most comfortable in this setting. I just need my me-time. It’s not like I don’t have anything to say. Maybe I’m just a social introvert.
Vitality. Consciousness. Awareness. Words which have been subconsciously sticking around my mind for a while. Are we not fully aware the most portion of our life? Do we somehow dredge through life day after day, caught in a middling sense of acceptance? Do we just take for granted our being? Are we just caught up in existentialism throughout out lives? Are we not giving ourselves wholly to whatever role we are put in? As I continue to contemplate on all these and everything more, I begin to realize the unpretentious truth that exists in these wonderings. I’m curious to know just how much ‘aliveness’ I can put into my self and into my being, without reverting to the other side. As is the case, my curiosity might just get the better of me.
As you step foot into the pleasantly air-conditioned room and the blaring disco lights and the thumping music hit you, you know you’re in for one hell of a time. As you drown into your select group and within yourself, you sense things start getting cheery. Good vibes. There’s you and there’s your friends. Your lovely friends. Screw sensibilities. You groove like crazy to the dizzying beats. You sing along. You goof around. You shed all inhibitions. After all, there’s nothing stopping you. Down another, your mind’s in a tizzy – the good kind. You say you love your friends. Of course you do. Group hugs. Shouting at the top of your voice to be heard. DJ, take a bow. Euphoric rushes to your head. You’re all smiles, all the way. Clumsy pictures taken. Last call, you take your bets. Your moves become frenzier. The bass hits you harder. You’re in la-la land by now. And you don’t have a care in the world.
We scream to be heard. We yearn to make our voices count. We put ourselves out there to meet new people, seize every opportunity. We strive hard to stay positive. We keep looking for new experiences. We crave variety. We long to be given a chance, to prove our mettle. We just won’t die down just like that. It’s what makes us human.
Look around. There is magic everywhere.
Be astounded or not. Your choice.
A Sight into My Psyche 